Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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