drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
