I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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