Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
