It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
