Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Found the puke drawer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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