and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
