I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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