NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
