If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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