If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
