My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
