I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
