Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
