Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
