And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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