Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
