New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
