I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
