I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
