Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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