His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
