Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
