by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
