Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
