oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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