so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
