If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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