you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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