You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
