Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
