Don't you send me to vm
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
