I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
