It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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