He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
