hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
