My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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