I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
