eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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