she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
