I'm really into asian looking animals
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
