How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't notice because vodka
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
