It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
