The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
