eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize