don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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