direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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