i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
