awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
