Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
