Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
